Farty pants

[lurpak]

2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling

 

[richyrich]

probably the best thing I’ve read from you. Funny

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

Beautiful job, I'm slightly concerned over that little wobble on photo 1 - just to the left of the middle I can see it's uneven by the door moulding, is that when you released the kraken?

2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017

 

[lurpak]

Beautiful job, I'm slightly concerned over that little wobble on photo 1 - just to the left of the middle I can see it's uneven by the door moulding, is that when you released the kraken?

Dunno don’t care x

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

PS.

I've always let grafters use my loo, we are only human

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

We need a foot and stella photo next

Dunno don’t care x

 

[lurpak]

PS.

I've always let grafters use my loo, we are only human

It’s not that mate i just can’t bring myself to do it

 

[lurpak]

We need a foot and stella photo next

It’s a thumbs up from me

 

[lurpak]

Larry zoom in on mirror bit

Link Removed

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

WTF bubbleship matey!!

Didn't know that still existed!!

It’s a thumbs up from me

View attachment 29019

 

[lurpak]

WTF bubbleship matey!!

Didn't know that still existed!!

Its about 20 years old mate

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

Why did I just do that

You know I suffer with ptsd

You monster... My turn tomorrow

And clean your grout, you've let it go right dirty since the last time I cleaned it for you

Larry zoom in on mirror bit

Link RemovedView attachment 29020

 

[lurpak]

Why did I just do that

You know I suffer with ptsd

You monster... My turn tomorrow

And clean your grout, you've let it go right dirty since the last time I cleaned it for you

Tbe rest sweet ,, should of been a tiler less hassle

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

@lurpak I've got in my head you looking outside, letting rip the big one, lifting your leg with a slight after wiggle and turning round

 

[lurpak]

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

Looks like you have two tiles the same touching each other (middle and left one above it), FFS you can't recover from this now

I won't mention that corner grout half way up looking a bit iffy

Tbe rest sweet ,, should of been a tiler less hassle View attachment 29021

 

[lurpak]

Looks like you have two tiles the same touching each other (middle and left one above it), FFS you can't recover from this now

I won't mention that corner grout half way up looking a bit iffy

Tricky angle mate piss off @Gibbo had me running around house with a light last week not again

 

[Danny]

I am never afraid to fart or crap at a customers house... I blocked the toilet at the last job I did

on a side note....

when I was plastering for friends (now friend) bathroom/kitchen company he always made a point that when the toilet for fitted the first person to use it has to be the customer.....

Well one day we had a KFC (hate hate hate KFC) and a few hours pass and I was feeling rather unwell. Well I ran upstairs and my mate said nope not in here you are not.... ffs... he was laughing when he said it...

Well I decided to fill a carrier bag up with my KFC toxic waste and I just merrily slung it into the back of his van when I was finished.... he has never mentioned it or has he ever stopped me turfing one out in a toilet again

 

[lurpak]

Just can’t do it can feel their thoughts “oh look it’s the pooping plasterer”

 

[Groove37]

Just can’t do it can feel their thoughts “oh look it’s the pooping plasterer”

Same as you mate I can’t do it either only like my own throne

 

[LarryTheDecorator]

I don't have a wc - I have a library! Lots of concentrating and time of reflection

Same as you mate I can’t do it either only like my own throne

 

[John j]

f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk

 

[lurpak]

f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk

Lol my bowels usually run like a german train schedule. 06:15 evey morning.

Think the chinese I’ve been usings gone feral

 

[lurpak]

f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk

Know that one lol I’ve sat on can for f**k**g ages on this forum then gone to wipe my baboon n fell over jelly legs

 

[John j]

Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down

 

[lurpak]

Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down

Mate these weren’t just any farts

There were m&s farts

You know the ones that burn, all kinds of wrong. Potent

 

[lurpak]

 

[John j]

Is that a fat fox or a corgi

 

[essexandy]

2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017

Well you have my full sympathy mate, it's clear to see that the gear has caused you massive problems. Decent effort though.

 

[Stevieo]

2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017

The state of it.....

 

[Stevieo]

Know that one lol I’ve sat on can for f**k**g ages on this forum then gone to wipe my baboon n fell over jelly legs

Back in the day, before internet porn, I was watching a dvd sitting on an army bed. They have a metal frame and a wire net thing. Back of my leg was on the frame.

Got carried away and didn't realise my leg had gone to sleep.

Mate came back to room.

Stood up to switch dvd off and try to look innocent.

Collapsed.

 

[Tinytom]

Back in the day, before internet porn, I was watching a dvd sitting on an army bed. They have a metal frame and a wire net thing. Back of my leg was on the frame.

Got carried away and didn't realise my leg had gone to sleep.

Mate came back to room.

Stood up to switch dvd off and try to look innocent.

Collapsed.

With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget

 

[Stevieo]

With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget

It's not much worse than crawling about on floor. Tried to turn porn off and put dick away. Got distracted by leg malfunctioning and managed neither. So mate comes in and there's me, crawling around in circles, only one leg working, special Japanese porn that I'd bought off the Choggie van blaring away on the shelf, trying to put dick away and reach up to the shelf the DVD player was on.

Glad it was my own bed I was sitting on.

 

[beader]

With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget

Beaver Foam. Piss resistant.

 

[Donzo]

Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down

Job on during the week, guy took bog roll out toilet before he went to work. I avoid customers toilets if I can.