Farty pants

lurpak

lurpak

Artex Boy
2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
Farty pants
 
Beautiful job, I'm slightly concerned over that little wobble on photo 1 - just to the left of the middle I can see it's uneven by the door moulding, is that when you released the kraken? :risas:




lurpak said:
2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017
Click to expand...
 
I am never afraid to fart or crap at a customers house... I blocked the toilet at the last job I did :D

on a side note....

when I was plastering for friends (now friend) bathroom/kitchen company he always made a point that when the toilet for fitted the first person to use it has to be the customer.....

Well one day we had a KFC (hate hate hate KFC) and a few hours pass and I was feeling rather unwell. Well I ran upstairs and my mate said nope not in here you are not.... ffs... he was laughing when he said it...

Well I decided to fill a carrier bag up with my KFC toxic waste and I just merrily slung it into the back of his van when I was finished.... he has never mentioned it or has he ever stopped me turfing one out in a toilet again :D
 
f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk
 
John j said:
f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk
Click to expand...

Lol my bowels usually run like a german train schedule. 06:15 evey morning.

Think the chinese I’ve been usings gone feral
 
John j said:
f**k that . With in a hour on any job i go drop my gutts. A bogs for shitting in .
Hold it in
F.U.C.K.I.N.G G.I.R.L.Y
That c**t joiner other day asks why don't you go before you come to work .......err because I.m not ready .I have to wait for the coffee to kick in to set me off.
Though if it's late in day i like to hold on so I can have a good 15 min sit down with iPad. The one where you go to stand up but got pins and needles from resting on ye legs and cant f**k**g walk
Click to expand...

Know that one lol I’ve sat on can for f**k**g ages on this forum then gone to wipe my baboon n fell over jelly legs
 
Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down
 
John j said:
Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down
Click to expand...

Mate these weren’t just any farts

There were m&s farts

You know the ones that burn, all kinds of wrong. Potent
 
lurpak said:
2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017
Click to expand...
Well you have my full sympathy mate, it's clear to see that the gear has caused you massive problems. Decent effort though.
 
lurpak said:
2 days on this job and customer been hiding the whole time.

Today, my bowels have been, shall we say, a little upset.

I’ll never pinch a loaf in a customers house. Rather churn one out in back of van.

Holding it in all day just incase on the off chance customer comes in.

Stomach rumbles, thought f**k it, actually hurts holding it in and customer nowhere to be seen.

Let out an almighty fart. Smelt like a combination of road kill and blended Sunday dinner. A real room filler.

5 seconds later..

“You winning?”

Mate. For f**k sake. You’ve waited 2 f**k**g days to stick your beak in here and now its awkard as f**k as it smells like a russian morgue. You know it and i know it. No I’m not winning the gears s**t and i think I just sharted.

w**k*r.

@LarryTheLag little softcore for you pervert. Prepped it yesterday skimmed today. Stevie wonder did the joists on ceiling
View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017View attachment 29014View attachment 29015View attachment 29016View attachment 29017
Click to expand...
The state of it.....
 
lurpak said:
Know that one lol I’ve sat on can for f**k**g ages on this forum then gone to wipe my baboon n fell over jelly legs
Click to expand...

Back in the day, before internet porn, I was watching a dvd sitting on an army bed. They have a metal frame and a wire net thing. Back of my leg was on the frame.

Got carried away and didn't realise my leg had gone to sleep.

Mate came back to room.

Stood up to switch dvd off and try to look innocent.

Collapsed.
 
Stevieo said:
Back in the day, before internet porn, I was watching a dvd sitting on an army bed. They have a metal frame and a wire net thing. Back of my leg was on the frame.

Got carried away and didn't realise my leg had gone to sleep.

Mate came back to room.

Stood up to switch dvd off and try to look innocent.

Collapsed.
Click to expand...
With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget
 
Tinytom said:
With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget
Click to expand...

It's not much worse than crawling about on floor. Tried to turn porn off and put dick away. Got distracted by leg malfunctioning and managed neither. So mate comes in and there's me, crawling around in circles, only one leg working, special Japanese porn that I'd bought off the Choggie van blaring away on the shelf, trying to put dick away and reach up to the shelf the DVD player was on.

Glad it was my own bed I was sitting on.
 
Tinytom said:
With a plastic covered green mattress about 2 inch thick lol, I caught someone shagging a blow up doll once. He just stood up (cock still in the doll) and let go so it was balancing on his erect penis “look mum no hands” hahaha some things you never forget
Click to expand...
Beaver Foam. Piss resistant.
 
John j said:
Holding farts in is for girls . I know I.ve had a good night sleep when wife says she hasn't cause it stinks of fart in here . I go out room and when i come back in I think Christ it f**k**g stinks in here.
One of best feelings on a job is when you go to bog and dont have to use half a roll of paper just so you dare sit down
Click to expand...
Job on during the week, guy took bog roll out toilet before he went to work. I avoid customers toilets if I can.
 
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