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I love **** stories. I remember on my first day as a lab my old boss said by the time you leave us you will know everything there is to know about ****
 
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superspread said:
Times I've done that ,waited for someone to go in a portaloo and either caned it with bricks,( I was careful) or got a lump of 4x2 and smashed the granny out of it:RpS_laugh:
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Wait till someones gone in for a piss. Give it 20 seconds amd whack the back side of the portaloo. It knocks the seat down and before they realise theyve pissed all over the place and its splashed all up their trousers
 
We also used to wait till someone's gone in for a dump. Give it a minute. Unlock the door with a flat blade screw driver, swing the door open and prop it with a couple of blocks. They don't know whether to finish off. Wipe early or try and close the door with their trousers round their ankles lol
 
If your on a job working for someone they have to by law provide welfare ie toilet and hand washing.
 
Sh1t in a bag in a bucket, crouched next to an E reg Nissan sunny in a big old wooden garage, car was old as fook but in mint condition, it must have not moved for about 10 years.

sat next to wheel arch and the biggest, hairiest Fukin spider crawled down from behind the arch, just sat there looking at me with all 8 eyes, my arse constricted, I went cold it was sat there about 2 inch away from my shoulder.

Only time I did it in a bucket, this was about 8 years ago.
 
On domestics iff no bog we always found manhole and used some ply to hide you wen squating over it , a hose and a look out is good too.
On one job the scaffolder was a git so a couple of lads filled a 21ft tube a fair way up with **** it was funny watching him strip it a few weeks later !
 
Portaloos.....lol
love a good turdis story:RpS_lol:
You suspect bad things when you close that plastic lock behind you?:RpS_crying: desperado times....have to be touchin cloth before i take the gamble
 
Ha breaking the Monday morning seal are you kidding me!!
Got the keys to our new house just before Christmas. House has been empty for 2 years. I went for a piss and broke that seal! It had something in it. No idea what but my god it was the worst stench ever.
 
owls said:
If your on a job working for someone they have to by law provide welfare ie toilet and hand washing.
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You are right I had this argument last year on council remods had a right barney at gaffer as after 3 months had not had a bog on one job they sent a letter out stating by law if there's a toilet within 3 miles yes 3 miles of job ie morrisons etc they did not have to supply one I promptly wiped my arse on letter and told the gaffer just before aswell idiots
 
mikeadams1985 said:
Ha breaking the Monday morning seal are you kidding me!!
Got the keys to our new house just before Christmas. House has been empty for 2 years. I went for a piss and broke that seal! It had something in it. No idea what but my god it was the worst stench ever.
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That must have been the bog equivalent of a malt then haha
 
once worked with a fella who shat in a bucket then threw it out the window and the wind brought it back in all over the poor fecker.
 
Not the same, but I was in Magaluf with the lads when one of there guts rolled so he decided to take a dump behind a parked car.
The look on his face when the car drove off mid turd lol.
 
haha my mate ended up beating the crap out of a taxi driver on his own drive once, basically my mate has a very nice house with plenty of land and a couple of barns the cabby dropped him off in the court yard and he went in to his house, he then decided to come back out and have a fag, its pitch black at his place at night so he was curious when he stepped outside and noticed headlights still shineing round the front of the barns where he keeps his motors, when he went round the front the cabby was still on his drive having a shite againts his range rover wheel haha, and the rest is history as they say
 
I had a sh1t in a bucket once and poured it down the drain at the back of the house, then went for another bucket of water to flush it away but in the meantime the lab was sent to check out the drains, before we started work on the exteriors :) Anyhow, as I returned with the fresh water I seen that he was busy fishing out an obstacle from this very same drain and looking rather puzzled, then disgusted, as he held a nice fresh turd inches from his face. I fkin pished myself laughing at him, poor lad :RpS_laugh:
 
I went to the toilet the other day at home and realised there was no paper. I called out to the misses and she brought some up to me.
Oh how we laughed.
 
on a private job My boss (I was an apprentice at the time) had a S..t in a bucket then goes and digs a hole in the flower bed to bury it, mean while the lady comes home asks wher the gaffer is, i said hes out the back getting some water, she goes out and catches him just pouring the turd in the hole! I nearly pissed myself watching him trying to explain.
 
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