Best joke you've heard...

A Muslim man just said to me, "What do you think of when you hear the word Allah?"

"La la la la bamba," I replied.
 
Two men walking they're dogs ones got a labrador the other has got a jack Russell.Fancy a pint says one,but it's ten o clock said the other where will we get in with the dogs at this time.Theres a pub up the road that let guide dogs in we'll pretend we're blind said the other.The one with the labrador goes in and asks for a pint sorry pal says the barman but there's a sign up there no dogs allowed you've got a dog with you I cant serve you.But im blind this is my guide dog ,the barman apologises and serves him.He tells his mate to come in.He goes and orders a pint with the jack Russell in tow.Sorry says the barman there's a sign up there no dogs allowed you've got a dog with you I can't serve you,but I'm blind he said this is my guide dog. The barman says im not being funny mate but guide dogs are usually golden labradors.Why what have I got was the reply
 
What does Michael Jackson and Santa have in common ? They both leave children's bedrooms with empty sacks
 
A Police officer called over to the Station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
 
What's worse than letting Michael Jackson babysit your children ?

Letting them go on holiday with the McCans
 
A plasterer and his labourer have a job to do in Africa.They get lost and end up in the Sahara desert."Where in the name of God are we?" says the plasterer.The labourer replies "I don't know but I'm getting the fcuk out of here before the cement comes".
 
theclemo said:
Being a plasterer has to be the biggest joke of all
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Positive thinking is the key buddy...if you tell yourself you love something enough it starts to stick....same way I love x factor and my wifes cooking(y)
 
Lodan said:
Positive thinking is the key buddy...if you tell yourself you love something enough it starts to stick....same way I love x factor and my wifes cooking(y)
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How's it going lodan? Have you done any s&c or float an set hard wall yet ? Read the threads !!
 
Roughman said:
How's it going lodan? Have you done any s&c or float an set hard wall yet ? Read the threads !!
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Hi mate, yes been doing some floating, only bits and bobs and a few full walls, also been on a render recently....no where near the finished article but do my best to soak all the info/experiences up like a sponge and feel im definately moving forward.
 
Lodan said:
Hi mate, yes been doing some floating, only bits and bobs and a few full walls, also been on a render recently....no where near the finished article but do my best to soak all the info/experiences up like a sponge and feel im definately moving forward.
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Don't forget your first freehand attempt and the advice you took on board as well mate can be proud of that one and also you got Pete on the broom instead of you
 
Lodan said:
Hi mate, yes been doing some floating, only bits and bobs and a few full walls, also been on a render recently....no where near the finished article but do my best to soak all the info/experiences up like a sponge and feel im definately moving forward.
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Well done mate hang in there, sounds like you enjoy it ! It makes it easier !
Well your half way there because most plasterers are top wank-ers ! Apart from me
 
Pagey said:
Don't forget your first freehand attempt and the advice you took on board as well mate can be proud of that one and also you got Pete on the broom instead of you
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Yeah mate was happy with my freehand...i had to get vince on the broom, you know how these young ones are sitting playing with facebook on their phones:endesacuerdo:
 
Roughman said:
Well done mate hang in there, sounds like you enjoy it ! It makes it easier !
Well your half way there because most plasterers are top wank-ers ! Apart from me
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I feckin love it...did 12 years in an office and nearly broke me....my own boss now (apart from vince) make my own hours and love what i do....most customers are so thankful its a good feeling
 
Lodan said:
I feckin love it...did 12 years in an office and nearly broke me....my own boss now (apart from vince) make my own hours and love what i do....most customers are so thankful its a good feeling
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Wait til you get in with a few builders and deal with crap a lot of us have to deal with
 
Pagey said:
Wait til you get in with a few builders and deal with crap a lot of us have to deal with
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So far mybuilder (tin hat on) means I can book up so easy on domestics so dont need to bother with the builders so far
 
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