Not plastering related, but could do with some personal advice please.

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@loky11

Feel yer pain pal....BUT.. you must respect yourself first...let your wife have her space but dont under any circumstances smoother her or be to needy she wont respect you for it and it will only push her away.

For the moment detacth yourself from her and just focus on yourself and more inportantly the kids but of course be available to help when asked for help or talk to your wife.

You can't force the outcome and she must come to her own conclusions...BUT equaly dont be mugged off and have your own self pride.

Good luck zombie
 
zombie said:
@loky11

Feel yer pain pal....BUT.. you must respect yourself first...let your wife have her space but dont under any circumstances smoother her or be to needy she wont respect you for it and it will only push her away.

For the moment detacth yourself from her and just focus on yourself and more inportantly the kids but of course be available to help when asked for help or talk to your wife.

You can't force the outcome and she must come to her own conclusions...BUT equaly dont be mugged off and have your own self pride.

Good luck zombie
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Absolutely, there's got to be a balance if it swings to far to one side or the other then you get nowhere.
 
zombie said:
@loky11

Feel yer pain pal....BUT.. you must respect yourself first...let your wife have her space but dont under any circumstances smoother her or be to needy she wont respect you for it and it will only push her away.

For the moment detacth yourself from her and just focus on yourself and more inportantly the kids but of course be available to help when asked for help or talk to your wife.

You can't force the outcome and she must come to her own conclusions...BUT equaly dont be mugged off and have your own self pride.

Good luck zombie
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Thanks zombie, I'm trying mate really am, I'm finding it so hard, I want to give her space but at the same time don't want her to think I'm not bothered, I'm praying to God this isn't the end of us because I don't know how I will deal with it, I've told her I'm here for her not matter what, she knows I love her and here for her, but also I'm unsure weather she wants me back or not and that is what's hurting the most.
 
loky11 said:
Thanks zombie, I'm trying mate really am, I'm finding it so hard, I want to give her space but at the same time don't want her to think I'm not bothered, I'm praying to God this isn't the end of us because I don't know how I will deal with it, I've told her I'm here for her not matter what, she knows I love her and here for her, but also I'm unsure weather she wants me back or not and that is what's hurting the most.
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zombie has hit the nail on the head mate.
 
loky11 said:
Thanks zombie, I'm trying mate really am, I'm finding it so hard, I want to give her space but at the same time don't want her to think I'm not bothered, I'm praying to God this isn't the end of us because I don't know how I will deal with it, I've told her I'm here for her not matter what, she knows I love her and here for her, but also I'm unsure weather she wants me back or not and that is what's hurting the most.
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That feeling of being lost and alone completely rudderless, I've been there and I'm sure so have many of us on here have too.
All we can do is help in our own little way and I mean that in a collective way.
 
paulf said:
That feeling of being lost and alone completely rudderless, I've been there and I'm sure so have many of us on here have too.
All we can do is help in our own little way and I mean that in a collective way.
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I'm honestly doing my best, its one of the worst feelings ever, I'm not eating or sleeping, it's the first night not being with her or the kids, I have soon many thoughts going through my head at the moment, I'm thinking the worst when I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it, hell it's the women I love, married and have kids with, a massive part of my life and the thought of that being flushed away gut wrenching.
 
Honestly guys, your all amazing, we're all big hard plasterers, but we're all human and have a heart, and you've all shown that tonight. all your comments and support means alot and is helping me. Find it easier to talk to people I don't know.
 
loky11 said:
I'm honestly doing my best, its one of the worst feelings ever, I'm not eating or sleeping, it's the first night not being with her or the kids, I have soon many thoughts going through my head at the moment, I'm thinking the worst when I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it, hell it's the women I love, married and have kids with, a massive part of my life and the thought of that being flushed away gut wrenching.
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Loky mate, that's terrible, I'd like to think we'll do what we can for you, all we can do is listen.
In the real world I'd put my arm around you and try and be a friend.
 
For a woman to go through a miscarriage is very tough on the mind, they may feel useless and broken in themselves. Just give her some space and maybe talk to your parents? Most important thing is to keep cool and remember your kids will need you, allow her to grieve and hopefully everything will work out for use.
 
loky11 said:
Honestly guys, your all amazing, we're all big hard plasterers, but we're all human and have a heart, and you've all shown that tonight. all your comments and support means alot and is helping me. Find it easier to talk to people I don't know.
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I take this comment as a positive sign - as in although you say you’re in a really bad head space you’re not totally consumed with self and able to thank and appreciate others
;)
 
loky11 said:
Not plastering related guys but I'm in a s**t place at the minute wife's had 2 miscarriages in 6 months and she's now saying she thinks it best we go our own way, she doesn't know if it's for good or just for now, we already have 3 kids but she's saying she feels broken and her heads all over the place, I've told her I'm here for her and in it together but she's saying only her can help herself, wtf do I do. f**k**g gutted.
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Women's brains unravel when they get upset and they start thinking a big load of nonsense.

If she thinks she's going to make herself feel better by giving herself a load more grief, a load less money and coping with the kids on her own then she's quite mistaken.

Tell you what I'd do. I'd hit the road for a bit. Get some site work far away. Have a trip to the Isle of Man or something. Don't call it a separation that way you'll minimise the moving out bit and the moving back in bit (which I'm sure will happen) won't seem like an undoing of anything at all.

Absence makes the heart grow fond.

Best of luck.
 
Stevieo said:
Women's brains unravel when they get upset and they start thinking a big load of nonsense.

If she thinks she's going to make herself feel better by giving herself a load more grief, a load less money and coping with the kids on her own then she's quite mistaken.

Tell you what I'd do. I'd hit the road for a bit. Get some site work far away. Have a trip to the Isle of Man or something. Don't call it a separation that way you'll minimise the moving out bit and the moving back in bit (which I'm sure will happen) won't seem like an undoing of anything at all.

Absence makes the heart grow fond.

Best of luck.
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Obviously I object to the first sentence.... but other than that I’d say that is spot on advise!
 
JessThePlasterer said:
I think she might benefit from giving her mind and body a rest before having more. They’re all so young. You’re both very blessed there mate.

having babies can definitely f**k with your head, even though they’re worth it. All my mates ave young children and babies and it’s complete physiological warfare for some of them!

a couple have been to the gp with depression.

im sure you’ll pull through this. It sounds completely feasible the reason is depression/hormones/ grief, that’s a lot for anyone, and not your relationship thats creating the situation
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They all go nuts once there pupped
 
Stevieo said:
Women's brains unravel when they get upset and they start thinking a big load of nonsense.

If she thinks she's going to make herself feel better by giving herself a load more grief, a load less money and coping with the kids on her own then she's quite mistaken.

Tell you what I'd do. I'd hit the road for a bit. Get some site work far away. Have a trip to the Isle of Man or something. Don't call it a separation that way you'll minimise the moving out bit and the moving back in bit (which I'm sure will happen) won't seem like an undoing of anything at all.

Absence makes the heart grow fond.

Best of luck.
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Any idea how long I'd have to go without hearing from you before I became fond Steve.
 
JessThePlasterer said:
Say that to your other halves face... I dare you! Do it, do it, do it!
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I do.

Last one was when I sent her a gold panning kit with strict instructions that I wanted half the haul.

Turned out she'd been lying awake at night worrying that i would be disappointed that she couldn't find any in the irwell. For sure I called her a not-right.
essexandy said:
Any idea how long I'd have to go without hearing from you before I became fond Steve.
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Bout half as long as it would take me to take a shine to you I expect.
 
algeeman said:
keep your personal problems to yourself mate

dragging family and friends into it won't help
might make you feel better
but certainly won't help

the day I ask I ask advice online is the day I know I've gave up

stand up and take some control
(y)
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Disagree....bottling it up doesn't help and the lads probably wants to chat to people that dont know him or his family personaly
 
zombie said:
Disagree....bottling it up doesn't help and the lads probably wants to chat to people that dont know him or his family personaly
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I've more or less been in his shoes

hes only gonna find the answer at home

not with peolpe on here
or anyone else
 
algeeman said:
I've more or less been in his shoes

hes only gonna find the answer at home

not with peolpe on here
or anyone else
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He knows that mate...the lad just wants to talk it over with some strangers that he probably cant or doesnt want say to people closer to home.

Ive often talked about personal things on here that i couldnt say to people closer to home and felt better for doing so as not being judged.

I know your sentiment is well meaning though my friend.
 
zombie said:
He knows that mate...the lad just wants to talk it over with some strangers that he probably cant or doesnt want say to people closer to home.

Ive often talked about personal things on here that i couldnt say to people closer to home and felt better for doing so as not being judged.

I know your sentiment is well meaning though my friend.
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if @loky11
ever needs a chat
or anyone else
old Chris is always here for him (y) (y)
 
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